Eyes of Reflection
by Midnite Angel Aeris
Summary: A little story about Edgar trying to cope with his depression. Please R & R! Be warned: this is quite a dark story.


Eyes of Reflection  
by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris 

****** 

Eyes seem to tell many things in a person. 

You can lie all you want, force your face into any kind of expressions, but your eyes can never lie. They tell the truth...the truth hidden inside you, like a mirror reflecting your soul. You cannot cover this mirror no matter how hard you try. Your deepest emotions, your secret feelings...they're all there - in your eyes. 

I look in the mirror...I see my blue eyes staring back at me. Eyes that try to look happy, but are in fact filled with grief, screaming for someone who will save them from the sea of sorrow. But how could anyone save them, when no one even notices that these eyes are drowning in the dark ocean, crying out for help? My eyes are screaming, but no one knows it...because no one cares. No one cares what is hidden in my eyes. Just as long as I'm fulfilling my duty, they don't care about me, about how I feel as a human being. Why would they? As a king, I'm supposed to be all mighty and divine...I should not feel unhappy and sad...I should be happy from doing my job, helping others with their lives and try to make them happy. 

But...gosh...I'm human too. I'm not as mighty and powerful as they think. I spend days and nights in the castle, alone, trapped...with all sense of freedom completely out of reach. It's like being a prisoner in my own home, but even prisoners don't have to handle the pressure that I have to take. How am I suppose to be happy and stand tall when I have such an enormous load of pressure crushing on me every second of my life? Even my brother hated my life...I know he does care about me, but my life as a royalty - _our_ lives as royalties - caused him to abandon me and his own identity. After he left, I became nothing more than a lonely prisoner. How can I be happy living this life? I need someone to help _me_, to save me...to save my eyes from drowning in my own tears of misery. It's not so hard to understand that, isn't it? Then why can't anyone understand? No one understands...that's why no one could see the sorrow in my eyes. It's always there...deep in the irises of my eyes, but no one cares enough to see it...I just wish I could find someone in this world who would be willing to see into my eyes... 

...I wish she would be willing see into my eyes. 

Sometimes, I see her studying other people's eyes, as if she is trying to understand human nature by looking deep into people's souls. Yet she seems to miss my eyes, as she fails to see what my pupils are telling her when she looks into them. 

She misses my eyes...because she only cares about _his_ eyes. The eyes of her 'savior', the man who saved her from the black cave where she saw nothing, and brought her eyes into the light. But his eyes have been taken by another woman, another woman who also sees him as a 'savior'. Yet she still looks at him with her green eyes, hoping he would notice them. But his hazel eyes saw nothing else except of his lover's blue eyes. 

She watches them...watches the two lovers as their eyes declare their love for each other. Her emerald eyes grow greener as she watch. Green with envy and jealously. 

She does not notice me, standing behind her, watching her with my own eyes, yearning for her eyes to look at me the way she looks at him. 

He's my friend...but I hate him for ignoring the love she has for him in her eyes. He doesn't see it...his world only lies in the blue eyes of his lover. The love and devotion her green eyes hold for him...why can't he notice it? I would cherish them forever if those green eyes were cast on me. 

When she looks at me, I see the sadness in her eyes, the sadness of being alone and unwanted, and not having the joy of love. I smile at her, hoping to help her forget her sorrow. But she just brushes me off as if I meant nothing to her. My love for her is non-existent in her eyes. Only his love matters to her. 

I want to tell her that I feel her pain, and that our eyes are drowning in the same ocean. We can save each other from our black watery grave. But in her mind, he's the only one who can save her. It doesn't matter to her what I feel. I see that horrible truth in her eyes. 

I stare at the reflection of my own eyes in the mirror for a long time. Water starts to appear in my eyes. I let it stream down my face. It doesn't matter if I wipe it away - the cold icy water will continue to flow no matter what I do. 

The person who can save my eyes from the sea of sorrow wants nothing to do with me. No one will save me now. The dark ocean will continue to engulf my eyes until I could no longer see the thin line between being alive and dead. 

Desperately, I smash the mirror with my bare fist. I can't stand to watch my eyes screaming in pain anymore. The broken pieces of the mirror slice my hand as they fall onto the ground. I ignore the blood flowing rapidly out from my hand. 

I look down at the floor. Dozens of the broken pieces of the mirror lay on the ground. I can see the reflection of my eyes in each piece; dozens of the images of my own eyes staring back at me, all crying out in pain. I stumble backward, shaken by the image. I close my eyes, but I can still see the image in my head. The image of the dozens of tormented eyes staring at me. I can even hear the screams of my eyes. 

The screams, the stares...they are all driving me insane. I shut my eyes even tighter and cover them with my hand. My blood mixes with my tears as I sit helplessly on the floor, too weak to stand up anymore. 

I tremble in horror. My eyes...they are all screaming the same words. 

_"Please help me..."_

******

Author's Note:  
I kinda want to write a rather 'extreme' fanfic, so I wrote this mainly to describe a horrific image which can drive a perfectly sane and logical person ( like Edgar ^_^ ) into the edge of insanity =) ( I hope it worked... ) I always write about Terra and Edgar falling in love with each other, so I thought I might as well write a story where she doesn't love him, and fall for the over-popular Locke instead =) ( I have nothing against Locke...it's just that he takes too much attention away from Edgar...haha ^_^ Being a Edgar worshipper, I can't stand having someone stealing the limelight away from him ^_^ ) Anyway, if you have any comments, send them to [lillymorrigan@yahoo.com][1]! 

Eyes of Reflection © 2000 by Lilith Morrigan aka Midnite Angel Aeris  
The Fantasy Garden - [http://go.to/gf][2]

   [1]: mailto:lillymorrigan@yahoo.com
   [2]: http://go.to/gf



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